why i'm having a fight on facebook

 When you see a friend say something you have a problem with on Facebook or Twitter, do you say something? Or do you keep quiet?

For me, it depends on how much I respect the person. If it's someone I think is an idiot, I won't bother (and I'll generally de-friend them). But if it's someone I respect and I want to engage with, I will say something.

I've just had an argument on a friend's Facebook wall. He is an intelligent person whose comments I really enjoy, so when he posted a caricature of Gina Rhinehart I wanted to say something. The caricature focused on Rhinehart's weight and unattractive appearance. While Rhinehart is a terrible person with despicable political views, I can't help but notice that a lot of the criticism of her has focused on her body and used words like 'fat,' 'greedy,' 'disgusting.' Some media coverage has been truly repugnant, with comments about her vagina as well as her fatness.

Rhinehart's politics disgust me; her body does not. I have a problem with this fat-shaming, not because I care about Rhinehart's feelings, but because I think that every time this kind of thing appears in the media (yes, including my Facebook feed) it adds to a culture of fat-hate that is particularly gendered.

So I said something.

Predictably, I got the usual responses:

• It's just a joke/cartoon. Don't take it so seriously.

Sorry, but no. Racist jokes are not OK. Misogynist jokes are not OK. Jokes which perpetuate hate and shame are not OK. (And spare me the argument about how racism and fat-shaming are not the same thing. That is not my argument, I am making an analogy.)

• Making fun of people's looks is a time-honoured tradition of caricature.

I have no problem with a cartoon which shows a fat person as fat. I have a problem with a cartoon which equates fatness with greed and evil.

• People make fun of my chin dimple. This is exactly the same thing.

Oh fuck off. How many people die every year from being ashamed of their chin dimple? Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental illness.

• The artist posted a funny cartoon and doesn't deserve to be criticised.

Actually, the artist posted their work in a public forum and therefore laid himself open to criticism. And the fact that I believe him to be intelligent and mature enough to engage in this discussion is a compliment to him.

• It would be offensive if it was someone good like Dawn French, but it's an evil person.

My problem with this isn't that I think Rhinehart will see it and be upset. My problem is that this contributes to a culture of fat-shaming. 

• She deserves to be criticised and you should pick your battles.

Once again, Rhinehart herself has nothing to do with this. It's the fat-shaming I have a problem with.

• Wil-E Coyote cartoons show explosives, which are dangerous. Should we ban the cartoons?

Thanks for the straw man argument, it always livens up a discussion. I'm not going to dignify this with an answer.

Of course, posting a dissenting comment on someone's Facebook wall has consequences. The person's friends will see you criticising their friend, and will jump to defend them. Many of them will be angry that you are being 'serious' or 'too intense' in a forum that they see as exclusively for fun. (To give them credit, this cartoonist's friends were almost all polite and did not attack me.) The thing that drives me crazy about arguing on the internet is that people are so free to ignore what you're saying and not address your actual argument, which they can't do in person because I will yell at them until they answer my question.

So what's the point? I could say that maybe someone will go away and think about it, and my comments will change their mind. Or that speaking up when you see something you disagree with is important in its own right. But the truth is that I'm an argumentative, scrappy person and I can't keep my mouth shut.

panic

 Sugar cage available here.

I have always known I wanted to have babies. My husband and I have been ready (well, as ready as you can get) for a while but we wanted to pay off our debts and save a little money. When I saw the second pink line on the test I burst out crying and literally fell on the floor. I am very happy!

Is it okay if I'm also freaking out a tiny bit?

See, this is the first thing I've ever done that is truly irrevocable.

Everything else has an escape route, even if it's difficult. Jobs can be quit. Houses can be sold. Pets can be given away. Marriages can be ended. Countries can be fled. But this baby is FOR EVER.

I have been in bad situations, and I know the suffocating feeling of being trapped, and the giddy elation of escaping. One of the reasons I knew it was a good idea to marry my husband is that I never felt trapped with him. And now I've voluntarily put myself into a position where there is no escape.

And it's already started. I can't take drugs and stay up all night partying. To be honest, I don't really want to. I didn't before I got pregnant, either. BUT NOW I CAN'T. I have a human being inside me and I have to look after it!

This isn't something that's keeping me up at night. I think I'm just hormonal and predisposed to anxiety and I'm exercising one of my greatest skills: finding something to worry about. The truth is, choosing not to have a child would be just as irrevocable.

It's hard being a grown-up.

guess what?

 

 Givenchy, 1963. Image via Defunct Fashion.

It's been more tracksuit pants than Givenchy gowns, but I'm having a baby!

my etsy favourites: things i'm not allowed to buy

I have too many Things. Some big things, but mostly small things, things that don't have any use and take a lot of dusting. My husband was looking for some Useful Thing the other day and found a ceramic cat playing a violin. For some reason this was the last straw and he is now convinced that I have too many things. (I agree, but that cat has REAL WHISKERS. And several bandmates. I'm not getting rid of the cat.)

So when I see Things on Etsy that I want, I add them to my favourites. It's like walking around a shop, filling your cart and then abandoning it. It's almost satisfying.

Plus, I have all these Things ready to buy when I move into a mansion.

budgeting

Is there anything more sexy and exciting than budgeting? Oh, I wish I were joking, but I'M NOT. I love budgeting, I really do.

I never used to! I would make a half-hearted attempt at working out how much I needed for shampoo and electricity and shoes, try to smoosh it together with my income, and then... what? I have a budget, I guess? Well, that's done! Now to go put some stuff on my credit card.

Not surprisingly, I ended up with a bunch of debt. I had to ask my parents for a loan, because the credit card interest was killing me. My dad gently but firmly suggested that he sit down with me and work out a budget. I didn't see what use it would be, but I didn't feel like I was in a position to refuse.

Guess what? It turns out that there is a way to use a budget so that it actually works. And the purpose of a budget isn't to constrain you; it's to set you free. Your income already constrains you; you do not have infinite moneys. But if you face up to that fact, decide exactly where you want your money to go, and make a few simple changes, you will be free. Free from that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when a bill comes in; free from having to put off having your car serviced until you save up the money; free from throwing money in the pit of credit card interest.

This is how my husband and I manage our money. It's easy to adapt to one person: before we married, I did the same thing except with only one income coming in. (Or you can add more incoming money and adapt it to your commune, or your polyamorous household. This budget is inclusive!)

The trick is to segregate your money. This should be done as soon as it hits your bank account. The easiest way to do this is to do all your banking online (which is really easy and kind of fun, if you're a dork) and have lots of different accounts. Most banks now will offer free Net accounts (no charges, good interest, but you can only manage the accounts online-- you can't take money out at an ATM, for example). Think of them as envelopes, compartments you use to sort your money, and set up a bunch of them. Now you can set up automatic payments into these different accounts.

Expenses are the costs you can predict throughout the year. This is the lifesaver: when your car battery dies, when the gas bill comes in, when the rent is due, you don't even have to think about it, because the money's right there. Here are some things you might want to put under expenses:

• Rent/mortgage repayments
• Electricity
• Gas
• Water
• Insurance
• Repairs/replacements (ie washing machine, vacuum cleaner)
• Lawnmowing
• Landline
• Mobile phone (if you have a fixed plan or regular habits)
• Regular medication
• Physiotherapy
• Gym membership or regular exercise classes
• Dental
• Pet medical 
• Transport (bus/train)
• Regular charity payments
• Union dues
• Car, including:
• Licence
• Registration
• Insurance
• Servicing
• Repairs
• Tyres/battery
• Roadside assistance

Housekeeping represents the amount of money you will spend on consumables during the pay period (let's say a fortnight). This means groceries, petrol, pet food, and non-regular medication (aspirin, antibiotics etc). I use a debit account for this, so that I get unlimited withdrawals.

Savings is self-explanatory. You might have a specific goal in mind, or just want to put money aside. This money is not to be touched except a) when that goal needs to be paid for or b) in extreme emergency.

Travel & fun is useful for us, but it might not be for you. It's for fun stuff we do together. It pays for holidays, things we decide to buy together (such as a games console), fancy dinners, and whatever else we agree to use it on.

Pocket money is just that. We use this for buying things for ourselves (books, games, fun stuff) and presents for each other, as well as for incidental fun stuff that's not covered by housekeeping (a coffee with friends, for instance).

Debt money goes directly to the loan or credit card you are paying off. I am very happy and proud to say that the amount we now put into the debt fund is $0. To work out how much you should be paying, first work out your interest per pay period. You need to be paying that off as an absolute minimum, and then as much more as you can afford. Paying off your debt is the most important thing, because the more you pay off the less interest you will pay. Working out how much you're paying in interest is definitely a good motivator to pay off debt!

Does that make sense? Do you have any questions? How do you manage your money? Let's talk budgets!

op-shopping

Today I took the day off, and went op-shopping. It was wonderful.

 

Two classics.

 

I have a huge collection of Little Golden books, but there's always room for more.

This amazing, hand-crocheted owl tea cosy was at a tiny little church op-shop I'd never seen before and happened on by accident. It's kind of jammed on because my teapot has a weird spout, but you get an idea of the awesomeness.

I bought its sister too. Is this an owl? It doesn't have the feather 'ears', or a beak...

Vintage Tupperware is a current obsesssion. It's hard to find these lovely decorated ones!

 

The avocado green containers are my favourites (along with the bright orange ones).

And I couldn't resist this teeny tiny glass unicorn. I'm only human.

happy easter

 

 All photos by Sky Croeser

Every two weeks a group of my friends gets together for Crafternoon. Recently several of us were complaining on missing out on fun ethnic traditions because of our boring backgrounds so this weekend Sky, who is of Greek heritage, hosted Greek Easternoon.

 We made tsourekia together and dyed and polished eggs. Making bread as a group felt like a ritual.

It must seem strange for people from the Northern Hemisphere to see traditional holidays taking place at the opposite end of the seasons. All the traditional symbolism of Easter is about its traditional roots as a spring festival: eggs, rabbits, birth and rebirth, fecundity and fertility.

But summer is so brutal in Perth that this time of year, when the weather starts to cool, feels like a rebirth to me. After being battered by the heat for so long, I feel revitalised by the cooler weather. I want to bake and potter around and nest again. Plants and lawns are recovering from the blistering sun and starting to grow again. We're all coming back to life.