Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Etsy search "vintage sewing pattern collar" brought this up and it filled me with awe. Who designed this? WHO BOUGHT THIS PATTERN, BOUGHT IT, MADE THE COLLARS AND WORE THEM? Imagine walking down the street and seeing someone with one of these collars on. Your reaction would probably be to a) look for their minder and b) avoid eye contact.

I think they cut the photos off at the nose because the model kept rolling her eyes. Still, even just her lips tell the thoughts going through her head:

B: "Okay, this is a little silly, but it's wearable, I guess."
C: "Wait, what?
D: "Oh, come on."
A: "I'm just going to pretend this isn't happening."
E: "I hate you."

The collar/dress combo is just perfect, too. Nothing says elegant and attractive like a shapeless dress to go with your enormous novelty collar!

Please go buy this pattern, make it and send me a photo of you wearing it in a public place.

P.S. The seller also has awesome patterns like this and this. I ain't hatin'!

Friday, March 18, 2011

being a girl

I am so easily influenced. Since Suzanne (blogger and Sexy Librarian) has been blogging about beauty products, I have been thinking more about make-up and skincare and all the other Lady Stuff I have mostly ignored throughout my adult life. Lucky she isn't blogging about how to firebomb French restaurants! (Although since her message seems to be "buy yourself presents and look pretty" I guess it's easy to allow myself to be persuaded.)

Anyway, I've been thinking about how much nicer and healthier I look when my lips are nearly chapped. Not when they actually get to the chapped stage, but when they're all red and rosy. I hate the feeling of lipstick, all greasy and thick, and I really don't want something coming off on my coffee cup/water bottle/husband. So I asked Suzanne whether there was anything that would feel like nothing but would make me look like I'd been eating red lollies.

She told me about a magical thing called lip stains. I've been looking at various products in make-up shops (man, I never noticed all these make-up shops around! They're everywhere!) but I didn't see anything that fit.

Today I went into a very cute store called Kit in Enex100 and found this magic stuff (pictured above). I know, it looks insanely dark and purple, but a little bit makes you look like you've been eating mulberries: just a subtle stain. (I can't imagine putting it on my cheeks though, what the hell?) It was $22, which seems like an inordinate amount of money for a little tube of coloured goo but it should last for ages because a) I only used a tiny bit and b) I will probably keep forgetting to put it on and lose interest in being a Fancy Lady and get excited about hula-hooping or something.

The girl in the shop was very sweet and insisted on painting it onto my lips with a teeny tiny brush while I perched on a teeny tiny chair. She was horrified when I told her that I didn't even own foundation and tried to get me to sign up for a make-up lesson. I said I'd think about it, but I probably won't. What if she makes me look so beautiful I have to buy hundreds of dollars worth of stuff and spend half an hour every day painting it on? That's money I could be spending on books! And time I could be spending on naps! And books!

Are you a Fancy Lady? Can you give me any tips?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

prairie lunatic

In case you're wondering what my Prairie Lunatic chic is going to look like, I drew a picture.


Yesterday while waiting for the bus I saw a lady wearing something I have never seen before: cowboy boots, but tiny! Ankle boots, but cowboy! MINI COWBOY BOOTS.

Nicole Passionate

South Juliet

This may be old news to you, but it's a revelation to me. I want to go boots shopping RIGHT NOW! I am so ready for autumn, even though it's still around 30 C (86 F) in Perth. Luckily I am broke, so no boots for me (YET).

I read a bunch of webpages about ankle boots, because I have never owned any, and they all said that if you're short and fat you should stay away from them. But I really want these boots, and who cares anyway. I will be a little fat cowboy in my little fat boots, and I will be happy.

Anyway this is making me want to dress in long, shapeless dresses and dusty boots and long hair and a faraway look in my eyes. I call this look Prairie Lunatic:

Cowboy boots

P.S. If you are a disco star, you can get the Nicoles in silver and invent Space Prairie Cowboy Lunatic Chic! Please do this so I don't have to.