Hullo everybody! I have been on holiday in Melbourne and have been cut off from the world (of TV) for a week. I took lots of photos and I'll show them to you later, because nothing is more interesting than photos of someone else's holidays. But first, the important stuff: OMG MODDLES!!!
This week is the Charity Challenge! Yay! To be honest I don't actually remember this being a Thing, but everyone seems to act like it is so I guess it's just so boring that I've never paid attention to it. A socialite and a model are there, and they have "organised" (shown up to) a flag football game! Hooray! And $10,000 will go to charity! Whooo! OK, that actually seems like not a lot of money, but whatever! And the models will have to stop playing to have photos taken, and the winner of Best Photo will get a photo on Tyra's website (ATTENTION: TYRA HAS A WEBSITE) and some shitty jewellery that the socialite "designed." Also there are some NFL dudes!
The models play football I guess? There is a lot of running around and screaming, anyway. Bianca takes any opportunity to elbow Lisa in the face, which is reprehensible but which fills me with dark delight. Bianca says of Lisa, "She's a whole lotta ball of fire... with no flame," an insult that she clearly had not prepared earlier.
Kayla wins the challenge and goes to the photo shoot, which is to be styled by Andre Leon Talley. He is waiting for her in an outfit which could easily be turned into a racist Halloween costume by the addition of buck teeth.
This is never explained. ALT's styling consists of putting Kayla in a feathery vest in front of a green screen and telling her to do a high kick.
Now it is time for the real photo shoot, and the theme (obviously chosen to capitalise on the tension between the models) is "bitchfight"! Charming. When this is announced Bianca and Bre look rapturously happy; Allison looks terrified (although that might just be her default expression). Supermodel Coco Rocha is in the photos too. The results are pretty predictable, including one model being terrible, going off to cry and be comforted by Mr Jay, and then coming back to do a great job. (This episode it was Angelea.) Laura's job seems to be the hardest, as she is just being pushed into the air to land on a mattress over and over again. She is a champ though. I love you Laura! Bre terrifies Coco by screaming continuously in her face about the police and how she's going to kill her. Basically all of the photos look like this:
Lisa is worried about her "low" confidence. "Confidence level, I'd say I'm always usually at a 9 or a 10." I think she may be using a scale of 1 to 5.
After the shoot the girls relax in the hot tub. Bre and Alexandria are super-confident, because they had fun. Uh-oh! They all seem to be wearing bikinis except Allison, who wears a shirt and sweater. There isn't really any joke here, I just wanted to draw it.
OK now off to panel! Lisa continues her unbroken streak of annoying me by wearing huge irridescent mirrored shades, a corset and suspenders. She describes her look as "OG." Sadly the black models laugh at her instead of kicking her ass.
Lisa has her mouth open in her photo, as she does in EVERY photo. While other girls are criticised for going over the top, or for mistaking ugly for ugly-pretty, Lisa gets nothing but praise from Nigel. Nigel, what does this woman have on you? Blackmailers will never give up, you know. Have you ever heard the term 'justifiable homicide?'
Angelea's photo turns out great. Tyra gushes, "I feel her pain and I love every minute of it," which is the most sincere thing I've ever heard her say.
My darling Laura is third last (you monsters!) but Bre and Alexandria are the bottom two, and Bre goes home. She does something I have never seen done on ANTM, which is walk off the stage instead of waiting for Tyra's condescending speech. I hope it is a gesture of defiance but I suspect she got confused. Poor Bre, you seemed actually pretty nice.
And that's the show for another week. I hear the next photo shoot is going to have the girls in lingerie having a pillowfight and then making out. Hot!